Why are ESFPs so immature and annoying?

Joe Arrigo interviews the incredibly talented ESFP YouTube sensation Dear Kristin

Transcript edited for length and content

Extraverted Sensing for the ESFP

Joe Arrigo  

Kristin, as we know, ESFPs are objectively the worst type. Can you dispel some of the rumors and tell us why ESFPs are the best?

Dear Kristin  

Generally speaking, people tend to think that were very ditzy, attention-seeking, or self-centered and you understand where that’s coming from because we run with our Se function which means that generally, we don’t have that inner monologue going on in our head. It’s not that we’re particularly selfish– all the types can be selfish– it’s just that it’s more obvious when we’re having self-centered or attention-seeking behavior.

Joe Arrigo  

That’s what drew me to you’re amazingly fast-growing Youtube channel that’s basically how the 16 types do [fill in the blank] and it’s exactly what I think the community needs at this point….something that we discussed in like the pre-show was people may not be aware that the INTJ myself and the ESFP have the exact same top four cognitive functions but they’re just in a slightly different order. But if you were to see us in the wild you would not necessarily put any of that together. We couldn’t be more different!

Dear Kristin  

It’s so uncanny how true I find the cognitive functions to be in daily life.

ESFPs and Relationships

Joe Arrigo  

What does an ESFP need in a relationship? And I’m talking about in a partner, not necessarily like a friend or colleague, but in a partner?

Dear Kristin  

In a partner, the number one thing that an ESFP needs is to be given the freedom to experience things, because that is a function that I can’t stress enough. It’s literally just like, in the same way that the Ne is all about, like, let’s just explore ideas for the sake of exploring ideas. Like it’s not going anywhere, we just want to explore it, right? It’s the same with us. We want to experience and gather literally, for the sake of experiencing like, I’m the kind of person who I’ll be driving down the highway, and I’ll have my music blaring, and I’ll see a truck coming. And I’ll roll down my window just so I can feel the wind of the truck going faster on the highway, like that. Sounds like thrill-seeking, but that’s kind of like what it’s like, you know if I’m doing that I’ll arrive at my destination, and I’ll feel happy. And I’ll feel full of life because I’ve had it like I’ve fed my Se for the day.

So in relationships, we really need to feel like that’s understood and that we can go and have the freedom to go and experience things… but not like toxic things or unhelpful things. And that’s just what it is like, we just get joy from being at an experiencing, and enjoy. And the upside of that is like, well, first of all, you’re gonna have a lot of fun. But second of all, when we’re with you, like, you have our full attention, because we’re so about what’s immediately in front of us.  100% if we feel trapped in any way, like, if there are those expectations of how often you need, like how often we need to text you or how often we need to call you or how often, you know, we need to see you. And those expectations are being forced on us, we’re not going to want to stay in that relationship. 

What does an ESFP wear?

Joe Arrigo

For someone that does skits like yourself, you have a crap ton of wardrobe changes. One, do you spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what am I going to wear? And do you have to, like buy new clothes?

Dear Kristin  

I set up my camera and then I go to my wardrobe and I get out 16 outfits. So it’s kind of on a whim, but they all laid out on my bed just to make it easier or like wherever is nearby.  I have thought about just implementing just one outfit for the ESFP for every video, but then that’s assuming that I would have the diligence to like, remember and keep track of all those outfits.  This is why I love talking about type because like, everyone has their own spectrum of type experience with certain…I have INTJ is in my life that I cannot be more different than, but there are like certain things that are pillars of being an INTJ that I feel are a defining factor. And some of the other things might be a little bit nuanced. One of my biggest crusades is that… all the types can be terrible and be really good. It’s like, ‘oh, the INFJ have a heart of gold. It’s like, Well, there are a lot of bad INFJs in life. So it’s like, you shouldn’t think that there are better types, even though personally, I have had some bad experiences with certain types that might jade my view.

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